Does going to therapy or couples counseling really help solve all the issues that are tearing apart a relationship? This is the question most people are pondering as they grow desperate to save a marriage they really are not ready to let go of. The big question is whether talk sessions with someone else can really work for two people in crisis.
Before you go into a counseling session with your spouse, both of you need to understand that it is not the definite cure to all of your problems. You cannot hire someone else to do the dirty work and make things all better, no matter how skilled they may be.
People that go into their sessions expecting the therapist or counselor to validate their own thoughts and feelings and fix the problems that they see in their mate are the ones that come out disappointed. What a therapist really provides is objectivity, not validation. The mindset has to be different if this approach is going to work for the couple.
You both have things that you do completely right and other things that you are screwing up. The job of a couples therapist is to help you sort out the real issues from the futile so that you can fix this mess you mutually created.
Marital problems are always deeper than someone not taking out the trash or constantly being late for dates. What the therapist wants to do is get beneath all the squabbling and figure out what is really driving all the unhappiness and ultimately wrecking your relationship.
There are deeper issues driving those petty arguments, and until those are fixed you will continue to fight over every little thing.
In order to get to the bigger problems you have to go into counseling without the idea that someone is right and the other wrong. You have to be willing to just listen to your spouse without assuming what their words mean for you personally.
Let’s consider an example. A man goes into a session and hears his wife saying how lonely she is. He feels this is an attack on him for not being home and he starts saying how he is the one always working and she just sits at home. She is now defensive as well. Yet, what would have happened if he just heard that she was lonely and did not make it about his work pattern? What if he just simply listened?
If you want to save a marriage through therapy sessions then you can’t automatically feel blamed by your spouse’s problems. It’s extremely difficult to hear that the other is lonely without blaming yourself, but that is what must be done to make this approach work.
I think you’ll find this article helpful too, if you did, I reckon you’ll want to read this as well: Save Your Marriage or Marriage Helpor Learn How To Save A Marriage
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